My first assignment at GWU, and I have writers block. Serious writers block. In fact, not only do I have writers block where I can follow my typical fashion and solve everything with a pint of halfbaked and re-runs of “The Nanny,” but where the more I think about it the worse I feel.

As mentioned earlier, I am obsessed with the 20-somethings. And, being obsessed I re-read the article from The NY Times just a few minutes ago- paying specific attention to the comments on why we (20 somethings) fail to settle down. Why we never seem content, why we’re always “searching.”

And the thought occurred to me “what the heck am I searching for?” I have no idea. Absolutely, no idea. 

For years I prided myself on not being a statistic, being a “real” person rather than a bought and paid for shell. That’s how I described it to myself, that if I followed the status quo I would be bought, owned, never own a true existence on the shadow of one, the hollowed out shell. And in order to pursue that “real” person identity- I rejected things, politics, religion, relationships, anything that would “inhibit my identity development.” 

That was stupid. Identity is developed through the exact things I had turned away, in fact people are developed through those things, and if not through those entities then through their absence. Which is why I am now 24, (25 in March), single, living in DC- a city I abhor 11 months out of the year, working in an environment that I dread entering every single day, and carrying around 3 extra lbs that have adhered themselves to my thighs.

I am praying now that I might be able to complete this assignment, in a brilliant, witty, and timely manner- free from any grammatical errors and continue on with my existence that I don’t understand, don’t know where it’s going, don’t know how I got here. And that at the end of it, I’ll be able to justify just exactly what it was that I sought at the expense of all else.