My entire life I was raised in a culture (Mormon) where the rules and roles for men and women were very well defined. Often I thought they were too well defined. But as I’ve grown up, and the value of a dollar has gone down, I’ve started to realize that the roles I was brought up on…well, they just might not all apply anymore. 

The roles I’m talking about are specifically who is the provider for a home. In Mormon culture this role is historically one given to men (although come to think of it our Pioneer stock women certainly did an equal share of bringing in the dough) and women have been given the role of homemakers. 

Growing up I scoffed at these outlines- I thought them binding, and degrading, designed to trap women and limit their potential. And while I did swear up and down that I wouldn’t be like the rest of them, I had subconsciously accepted my fate. That said, I never took the time to discover what I liked. 

While I worked on my undergrad at BYU I studied Classics- Latin emphasis (translation- I picked a major that had almost zero hope of making me a marketable individual). And, it didn’t bother me that hardly anyone anywhere was impressed by the fact that I could recite the first 20 lines of The Aeneid- scratch the hardly. I assumed that “work” wouldn’t actually ever be something I’d need to engage in.

Also, while I did plan on graduate school I had no intention of needing to put it to good use- I really just wanted extra letters in my class notes. Besides, who doesn’t want to stay in school longer and bask in the academic glories?

So here’s the problem, I’ve graduated from BYU, I’m at GWU enrolled in my master’s program and I have absolutely no idea what it is that I actually like. Oh and that fantasy of marrying the lawyer who of course would encourage my graduate work, while surprising me with a new BMW so I wouldn’t have to drive my old Acura- well that’s a laugh.

But really, this is a minor crisis. What the heck am I going to do?! I’ve tried my hand at I don’t know like 30 different internships and I am in school, and at present I am at Fleishman-Hillard which is a big deal PR firm, but I can’t help thinking that in a matter of months I’m going to wake up and think: what happened to my life. I used to have nightmares that I’d wake up next to some stranger who I’d started dating and just went along with it, wound up married, and freak out. Now the nightmares are the same but different- I’ll still wake up (except alone- at 24 I might as well be 40 by Mormon standards), but I’ll be unhealthy from going to a job everyday that I secretly hate, I’ll have no idea why I’m working at an establishment that I don’t believe in, and I’ll be stuck with a wardrobe of ugly gray suits and sensible black pumps. 

Something has got to change.